The Art of Active Resolution: From Gossip to Growth
- Kevin Davis
- 7 days ago
- 4 min read
"Courage is not a virtue or value among other personal values like love or fidelity. It is the foundation that underlies and gives reality to all other virtues." ~ Rollo May
What You'll Learn:
Why avoidance and gossip drain organizational energy
The real cost of difficult conversations you're not having
A practical framework for addressing issues directly
How to create safety while demanding accountability
The Sidebar Tax
Here's a scenario you've probably witnessed: Two team members have a problem with each other. Instead of talking to each other, they talk about each other—to everyone else. The issues get discussed in breakout rooms, parking lot conversations, and "quick syncs" with everyone but the relevant person. The Slack channels buzz with subtext. Energy that should fuel your mission gets consumed by drama.
We could call this the Sidebar Tax, and most organizations are bleeding productivity without even realizing it.
Avoidance is blame's sneaky cousin. While blame cultures freeze teams in fear, avoidance cultures let issues fester until they explode or, worse, until your best people quietly leave.
Why Smart Leaders Avoid Conflict
If you're someone who tends to avoid difficult conversations, you're in good company. Think about your own Default Success Strategy. If you have a high need for harmony, your brain sees conflict as a threat to what matters most. If you're results-focused, conflict feels like quicksand—slow, messy, unpredictable.
Here's what your unconscious mind doesn't tell you: Every avoided conversation creates compound interest on organizational dysfunction. That small issue you're sidestepping today? It's growing. Metastasizing.
The Real Cost of Avoidance
When organizations don't consciously practice active resolution they pay an invisible tax from gossip and avoidance:
Trust Erosion: Every avoided conversation teaches your team that direct communication isn't actually safe here, despite what your values statement says.
Decision Degradation: Critical context stays hidden because people can't—or won't—speak up, leading to suboptimal decisions based on incomplete information.
Innovation Stagnation: Breakthrough ideas challenge the status quo, but in avoidance cultures, people learn that disagreement is dangerous.
Talent Flight: Your highest performers recognize passive-aggressive cultures instantly and vote with their feet.
From Gossip to Active Resolution
Active resolution means when we have issues, we put them on the table and talk about them to resolve them—not to win, not to punish, but to grow.
This requires moving from fear-based to love-based thinking:
Fear asks: "How do I protect myself from this conflict?"
Love asks: "How do I serve this person and our shared purpose by addressing this directly?"
The Framework: Six Steps to Active Resolution
Before the conversation, ask yourself: "What's my highest intention here?" If your purpose is to prove you're right or vent frustration, stop. Return to your conscious purpose: serving others and advancing your mission.
2. Create Psychological Safety First
Start by establishing your positive intent:
"I'm bringing this up because I care about your success..."
"I value our working relationship and want to strengthen it..."
This isn't manipulation—it's creating the neurological conditions for learning instead of defending.
3. Focus on Impact, Not Intent
Don't make assumptions about why someone did what they did. Describe the observable impact:
Instead of: "You're always late to meetings because you don't respect other people's time."
Try: "When meetings start without you, we often have to backtrack or make decisions without critical input, which slows our progress."
4. Invite Their Perspective
After you've shared your observation and its impact, genuinely seek to understand:
"What's your take on this?"
"What was happening from your perspective?"
"What am I missing?"
The key word is genuinely. Curiosity isn't a technique—it's a mindset shift from judgment to elevation.
5. Co-Create the Path Forward
"Given what we both know now, how do we move forward in a way that serves our mission and helps you be successful?"
Notice the shift: from "you need to" to "we can." You're positioning yourself as a partner in their success, not a judge of their failures.
6. Follow Through and Follow Up
Active resolution requires clear agreements, defined metrics, scheduled follow-up, and celebration when things improve. This is supportive accountability—partnering with someone to achieve what they've committed to accomplish.
The Leader's Role
If you want to shift your culture from gossip and avoidance to active resolution, it starts with you modeling the way.
When you avoid a difficult conversation, your team learns: It's not really safe to be direct here.
When you address issues constructively, your team learns: We can disagree, have hard conversations, and come out stronger.
What Gets in the Way
For many leaders, the biggest barrier is internal. Your Default Success Strategy might whisper:
"If you bring this up, they'll think you're mean."
"This conversation will take too long, just work around it."
"What if I say the wrong thing and make it worse?"
Recognize these voices for what they are—your unconscious mind trying to keep you comfortable, not your conscious mind leading toward excellence.
Your Challenge This Week
Think of one issue you've been avoiding. Ask yourself:
What am I afraid will happen if I address this directly?
What's already happening because I'm not addressing it?
What's my highest purpose in having this conversation?
Then schedule the conversation. Not someday. This week.
The Transformation
Without Active Resolution: "Did you hear what Sarah did? I can't believe she..." followed by 47 Slack messages to everyone except Sarah.
With Active Resolution: "Sarah, can we talk about what happened in yesterday's meeting? I want to understand your perspective and find a way forward together."
The choice is yours: Will you let your unconscious need for comfort drive your behavior, or will your conscious purpose for serving others inspire your courage?
Active resolution isn't about being comfortable. It's about being committed—to growth, to excellence, to the people you lead and the mission you serve.
The conversation you're avoiding might be the breakthrough your team is waiting for.
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