The Gift of Actually Unplugging

What's Really Keeping You From Rest

Your Critic will insist that you stay in your comfort zone and will complain loudly when you attempt to leave it.

What You'll Learn

• Why your unconscious drivers make unplugging feel impossible

• What your Critic says to keep you working through the holidays

• The difference between being physically present and actually being there

• A practical framework for setting intentions before your break

The email notification buzzes on Christmas morning. Your hand reaches for your phone before you're fully conscious of the decision.

Your family is gathering downstairs. Presents wait to be opened. But there's that familiar pull—just a quick check. Just make sure nothing's on fire.

Five minutes becomes twenty. Twenty becomes an hour. And while you're physically in the room when presents finally get opened, some essential part of you is still back in that inbox.

Sound familiar?

The inability to truly unplug isn't a character flaw. It's your Default Success Strategy operating exactly as designed—unconsciously driving you back toward behaviors that have made you successful, even when they no longer serve you.

Your Critic's Holiday Schedule

While you may have scheduled time off, your Critic maintains a 24/7 operation:

If you're Control-oriented (driven by authority and achievement):

"If you're not producing, you're not valuable."

"Everything will fall apart without you."

"Real leaders don't need time off."

If you're Harmony-oriented (driven by stability and peace):

"You're letting people down."

"What if someone needs you?"

"Taking time for yourself is selfish."

If you're Connected-oriented (driven by acceptance and relationship):

"You're missing out."

"People will forget about you."

"What if you're not there when someone reaches out?"

If you're Accuracy-oriented (driven by perfection and correctness):

"You're not prepared for what comes next."

"Something might go wrong."

"Rest is reckless."

These aren't conscious thoughts. They're underground streams that pull your attention back to work, that make your chest tighten when you're away from your desk, that convince you "just checking in" is responsible leadership.

It's not. It's your Critic keeping you in your comfort zone—which, ironically, means working instead of resting.

Fake Presence

Here's what leaders often miss: Your family doesn't just want your physical presence. They want you. And they can tell the difference.

When you're sitting at dinner mentally composing that email, your face betrays you. When you're watching your kids open presents while calculating Q1 projections, your body language tells the truth.

Here's the hard truth: Half-present is harder on relationships than fully absent.

Because partial presence sends a message more painful than absence: "I'm here, but something else is more important than you."

The Fear Underneath

The real question isn't "Should I unplug?" You already know the answer. The question is: "What am I afraid will happen if I do?"

Name it specifically: The project will derail. My boss will think I'm not committed. I'll look weak. Someone will discover I'm not indispensable. I'll lose control. I'll let people down.

Now ask: Is that fear based on evidence, or is it your Critic catastrophizing?

Most leaders discover their fears are wildly exaggerated. The organization doesn't collapse. The critical issue that "couldn't wait" somehow waits just fine.

What Real Self-Care Looks Like

For leaders, real self-care is creating conditions for sustainable high performance. You cannot lead from depletion. You cannot inspire when you're running on fumes.

Real self-care means:

• Actually resting (not just ceasing visible work while your mind races)

• Being present (fully here, not monitoring two realities at once)

• Honoring relationships (your family didn't sign up to compete with your work)

• Refilling your tank (joy, connection, meaning—whatever replenishes you)

Rest isn't the opposite of productivity. It's the foundation of it.

Set Your Intention

Take 20 minutes for this process:

Step 1: Name Your Intention

What do you want this time to be about? Not what you "should" want—what do you genuinely long for? Deep connection? Genuine rest? Joy and laughter? Quiet reflection?

Step 2: Identify Your Saboteur

How will your Default Success Strategy try to pull you back to work? What will your Critic say? Write it down. Seeing it makes it conscious. And once it's conscious, you can choose.

Step 3: Create Your Boundaries

Phone off after 6pm? Email closed entirely? Check-ins limited to once daily? Be specific.

Step 4: Make It Explicit

Tell your family what you're committing to. "I'm putting work completely away from Christmas Eve through the 26th. If you see me on my phone, call me out." Making it explicit creates accountability and shows them you're serious.

Step 5: Set Up Your Return

Delegate what you can. Set expectations with your team. Create a plan for the first day back so you're not walking into chaos.

The Emotional Layer

Here's what matters more than any tactic: Your emotional state.

Your family won't just notice whether you're on your phone. They'll sense your emotional presence or absence. They'll feel whether you're genuinely with them or mentally elsewhere.

Before the gathering, before the meal, before the moment—check in with yourself. Are you actually here? Or are you just pretending?

If you want to change your non-verbals during the holidays, change your emotional attitude. Choose to be fully present. Release the grip on control. Trust that the work will be there when you return.

The Gift Only You Can Give

Your team can hire another leader. Your organization can find another CEO. But your kids can't find another parent. Your partner can't replace you. Your closest relationships can't get this time back.

The gift of your full presence—not your distracted half-attention, but your actual engaged presence—is something only you can give. And it's what matters most.

The Question That Changes Everything

• Ten years from now, what will you wish you had done during this holiday break?

• Will you wish you'd checked email more?

• Stayed on top of every issue?

• Kept tighter control?

• Or will you wish you'd been more present?

• Laughed more freely?

• Let yourself rest more deeply?

• Connected more genuinely with the people who matter most?

Try This Today

Right now, before you get busy with everything else:

1. Block out 20 minutes before your holiday break begins

2. Write down your intention for this time

3. Identify specifically how your Critic will try to sabotage it

4. Create your boundaries

5. Tell someone what you're committing to

Then, when your break arrives, honor what you've set. When your Critic starts its familiar refrain, engage your Executive: "I see you, Critic. But I've made a different choice."

Your work will be there when you return. But this moment—this holiday, this gathering, this chance to actually rest—won't.

Choose presence. Choose rest. Choose the people and purposes that matter most.

Your leadership depends on it.

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